Saturday, December 29, 2007

These Presents Probably Weren't Under Your Christmas Tree!

Christmas is over and while you may have gotten many of the presents you wished for from Santa this year, maybe you didn't. I came across a couple of "unique" gifts which may not have been under your tree! While most common thieves and thugs know what a taser looks like, they probably won't think too much of this device at first sight. Now ladies can replace that monthly period with an exclamation mark as feminine hygiene goes lethal with The Pink Stinger, a stun gun creatively disguised as a tampon...except for the buttons, prods and high voltage. This weapon of mass absorption aims to target a niche market consumer, that being the tampon wielding women who desire private and discreet security in a friendly familiar package.

It looks like a tampon. This device is actually a taser in disguise, coming in a lady-friendly pink package that delivers a shocking reception to the unfortunate perpetrator-turned-victim. Packing 50,000 volts of power, the Pink Stinger also doubles up as an advanced gun that shoots a couple of probes up to 14 feet away, delivering a knockout blow to whoever is on the receiving end. Just make sure nobody around the home uses this for any other purpose other than self-defense as the results of misuse could result in serious, permanent injuries.

Because it is an advanced stun gun, you do have the option of stun capabilities with a simple click of a switch. In the Stun setting, you need only make contact with intended target via the 2 prods for an effective toxic shock rendering the victim disoriented, demoralized and embarrassed . When shooting in Zap mode, 2 extra absorbent cotton tampons with barbed probes and 14 ft. of wire are expelled and propelled by compressed nitrogen. Electric current then passes to the body, where the probes have attach to the clothing or bare skin, causing central nervous system disruption, possible urination and certain humiliation. Optimal target range for the stun gun is 7-10 feet with a maximum of 14 feet. Absorbency range of tampon is 6-9 grams. Why we'd need to know this, I could not figure out! The included batteries and compressed nitrogen cartridge store neatly in the pink zapplicator casing for easy replacement.

American Inventor Spot has too much of two things—time on their hands and vaginas on their mind. How else can you explain this tampon personal security taser. It's pink, fluffy, wired, and can shock you with 50,000 volts. Oh, and it's shaped like a tampon. Fantastic, eh? Just be careful not to mix this up with a real tampon, ladies. This is not a proper way to deal with unwanted pregnancies.

Okay, since no man in his right mind is going to walk around carrying a tampon-shaped stun gun? No guy I know...hopefully. So, here's one for some of the guys who've got almost every computer gadget on the market. This is a gift for that perpetually single guy in your life who just can't keep a girlfriend for long. He's not a bad guy at all, probably the perpetual life of the party, and never says no to "guys night out." Preferably if that night out involves Vegas. Or a strip club. Or both. The catch? The guy also has to be kind of nerdy. Nerdy enough to know, and appreciate, what it would mean to have his very own gyrating, pole-dancing girl who plugs into a USB port on his computer! Simply plug her into your computer and watch her gyrate, wiggle and spin around to the sounds of your funky tunes. With flashing lights and her own demo track, this is practically the real thing. You can invite your friends to the show or, for the really brave men out there, try to convince your girlfriend to pick up a few tricks of the trade. If this works for someone you know, you can even order the USB Pole Dancer Online...discreetly!

There you go. The gifts I'm sure many of you didn't get or give this Christmas. I think I've sufficiently helped you out with all of your holiday shopping needs for next year. And like the iPhone, I'm sure they'll be some technical improvements. Hopefully nobody gets me any of these for next year. I'd have some serious 'splainin to do!