Sunday, February 24, 2008

Hot Babe Casting Call: Baseball Team Seeking Plus-Size Male Cheerleaders

I've said this before at Discover Insanity. It seems most of the freaks of our country live in either California, Colorado or Florida. And our good friends in Florida win today's poll. Yes, the Florida Marlins are looking for some footloose fat men. The National League team is creating an all-male, plus-size cheerleading squad to be dubbed the Manatees. Tryouts are scheduled for Sunday. The team hopes to recruit seven to 10 tubby men to dance, cheer and jiggle during Friday and Saturday home games this season. Real manatees, 1,200-pound mammals sometimes referred to as "sea cows," are not considered the most agile of creatures and often get caught in boat propellers. Now if being compared or looked at as a "sea cow" floats your fancy, then get your ass down to those tryouts!

The Marlins already have a cheerleading squad, the considerably more svelte Mermaids.The Marlins want their Manatees to have the same dimensions, but to be decidedly more agile. Men will be judged on how well they dance a choreographed routine. Men selected for the Manatees won't be paid - unlike the women. How's that fore reverse discrimination! Instead, they'll get tickets to games they perform at, and the honor of dancing in front of crowds that have been smallest in major league baseball for the last two seasons. What, no free beer? You've got to include free beer if you're going to get me to dance half-naked in front of a crowd! Come on.

Yes folks, this is 100% real. Check out their website! According to the site, the Florida Marlins are looking for big bellies with the biggest jiggle, big feet with the best dance moves and enthusiasm that will rock Marlins fans out of their seats. Auditions will be held to find a few big men for the Marlins Manatees, the first-ever dance/energy squad in Major League Baseball at Dolphin Stadium on February 24, 2008 at 1 p.m. for the 2008 season. The Marlins Manatees will perform at Friday and Saturday Marlins' home games throughout the 2008 season. Manatee hopefuls do not need prior dance experience-just the willingness to learn routines and have a great time dancing and cheering in front of thousands of fans. Or maybe 5-10 of them.

The Marlins aren't the only pro sports team capitalizing on Americans' expanding waistlines. The Chicago Bulls basketball team have the Matadors, a big-man dance troupe that's entertained fans at home games since 2003. And although cheerleaders might be an unfamiliar site in baseball, big men aren't, as fans have long cheered on the likes of Babe Ruth and Kirby Puckett.

Being a sports fan is one thing. But being a male cheerleader in baseball? I guess some teams will do anything for a bit of funny and free publicity. And they don't say who there coach is yet. But there is only one person in the whole wide world that looks good in pink shorts, can dance like no other guy can, is as flaming as they come, and would bring in the crowds. Yes folks, Richard Simmons! Now if the Marlins hire good ol' Richard, then maybe, just maybe, I'll try out. That's it for today. Gotta go. It's time for Sweatin' To The Oldies! You go girl!