Thursday, August 9, 2007

A Story You Can Sink Your Teeth Into: Unlicensed Doctors Face Stiff Sentence In Bizarre Potato Robbery

From the "Oh my God it hurts to read this story files" comes this most bizarre incident in St. Paul, Minnesota. When conventional medical professionals refused to remove a 62-year-old man's testicles, police said he turned to mysterious "professionals" to relieve what he called chronic pain. Police said a couple of weeks ago, two or three people operated on the man in his home. He was unconscious. When he woke up, his testicles, his potatoes or whatever you want to call them were gone. So were his "professionals." Now police want to find the fly-by-night surgeons.

"I have never in my life seen anything quite like that," said St. Paul police spokesman Tom Walsh. According to a search warrant, the man complained of chronic pain and turned to conventional medical personnel to remove his testicles. Can you imagine a search warrant looking for those? Well, when the sane regular doctors refused to lop off his potatoes, the 62-year-old man said he hired other "professionals" to do the surgery. He would not tell officers who they were, saying he didn't want to get them into trouble.

After the surgery, or as I'd call it, mutilation, his groin area was bleeding heavily, so he called his daughter. I can't image the explanation he gave her! She called for help. When the cops arrived they found an improvised operating room in the man's house, with bright lights, an apparent operating table, a camera and various medical supplies and equipment. There was also blood in several rooms of the house.

Since then, police have been searching for the people who performed the surgery and if the happy sack happens to show up, they'd love to see that too. It's illegal (are you kidding me?) to practice medicine and make Mr. Potato Salad in Minnesota without a license, and the at-home surgery didn't appear to be the work of a trained surgery team. Where do you get training for this? Wienerschnitzel?

You know, people will do some strange friggin things and you know you just can't make up this stuff. It reminds me of that old King Missle tune from the 80's (click here to hear it on YouTube) and the line, "I woke up this morning, and my @#$%! was missing.

Maybe this guy should hire a Private Dick (detective) to find what were his dangling participles.