Sunday, August 26, 2007

Looking For A Hard To Find, Unique, One-Of-A-Kind Gift? Try This: A Walrus Penis

"Size matters, and the walrus has got everybody beat," said Josh Chait, operations director for the I.M. Chait Gallery auction house in Beverly Hills. Up for auction today is a rare piece of pornographic prehistory - a 12,000-year-old walrus penis. Yes, you read that right. a walrus penis. Some people may not know what a walrus penis looks like. According to Chait, "It's a little sick, but where else are you going to get another one? That's how collectors think."

Among all the fossils, skeletons, meteorites and gemstones for sale Sunday at the I.M. Chait Gallery natural history auction, Lot #127 stands out. It's a mummified baculum, or penis bone, from a species of walrus that went extinct 12,000 years ago. The piece is more than 4 feet long, curves to a point and is covered with weathered skin and dry muscle tissue. Some people may not know what a walrus penis looks like. The ad gives a big clue by saying "bone." Of course, if you know your rats and racoons -- who also have a bone hidden away in their groins -- then you may realize that the walrus variety looks much like a tusk to the unacquainted, and nothing like, say, Rasputin's penis, which reportedly lies in a glass jar in a St. Petersburg laboratory but is not up for sale. A walrus' penis, as the encyclopedia says, is hidden inside its body.

Directors Ron Howard and Steven Spielberg are fossil collectors, as are actors Nicolas Cage and Harrison Ford -- yes, the same Ford who in the "Indiana Jones" films has played a university archaeologist determined to save such treasures from falling into the wrong hands. And the Walrus penis isn’t the only piece of “prehistoric pornography” that will be part of the 200-plus lots available for sale by Chait. Up for auction as well is a pair of mating 40- million-year-old insects (pictured right) from the Baltic region of Russia. The two love bugs, forever trapped in the heat of the moment in amber, are estimated to sell for $700 to $900. If you're interested in bidding on the largest known mammal penis fossil, it is estimated to sell for between $12,000 and $16,000. Here's the details on the auction of Lot #127:

Lot # 127

Odobenus species
Tamyr Peninsula, Russia
This amazing discovery occurred while Russian fossil hunters were combing the defrosting permafrost for Woolly Mammoth fossils. Mistaking this extremely rare find for a badly weathered mammoth tusk, they threw it onto their truck and hoped that it would look better once polished. Luckily, a knowledgeable fossil dealer saw this specimen prior to any cosmetic improvements and realized what it really was; an actual mummified penis from an extinct species of Walrus. Buried in the frozen tundra for tens of thousands of years, the actual skin and muscle tissue which cover the baculum has dried, allowing for this extraordinary preservation.

Among mammals, whales have the largest penis but the walrus has the largest and most robust internal bony penis. So massive is this bony element that Eskimos use it as a killing club during their hunts. The shape of a penis bone or baculum is an important diagnostic feature used to identify species within five orders of mammals: Primates, Rodentia, Insectivora, Carnivora and Kangaroos (marsupials).

This truly one of a kind fossil "member" is among the most bizarre find of ancient erotica to date. Measuring an impressive 4 1/2 feet in length, it comes with a metal display stand.

Bid Now By Clicking Here. Low Est: $16000 High Est: $20000

Who would want to own such an odd thing? Fossils and other ancient relics also are attainable for the average collector and perfect conversation pieces for the home. Now that the picture is in your head, you have no excuses and won't make the mistake of shouting into the phone at Dima asking what it looks like and whether it is hard.