Wednesday, June 27, 2007

One Of Life's (My) Simple Pleasures Causes A "Stink" In New York City!

In the city that you must flush the toilet on the NY State Thruway because the city needs the water, the jokes are a flyin'. Moon over My Hammy. Moons over Manhattan. A risqué billboard to sell a personal hygiene system is going up in Times Square very soon, but some New Yorkers don't think the ad is, well, as clean as the product it's promoting. The "Clean Is Happy" campaign showing several bare butts donning smiles is making some people crack up, while leaving others fairly flushed. The racy ads promoting a new personal cleansing system for your toilet are going up in Times Square, and covering three sides of the Time Square Church. "This is morality going down the proverbial toilet," one New Yorker said.

The promotions are for a really cool product called the Washlet. It upgrades a standard U.S. toilet to state-of-the-art in personal hygiene. It's manufactured by the Toto bathroom fixture company and this is the Lexus of toilet seats. Check out their website! The personal hygiene system is a toilet seat that has a front and rear cleansing water wand, a warm air dryer, an air purifier, a heated seat, and an automatically opening and closing seat -- all functions that can also be operated by a remote control! Think about that for a second, you sit back, hit a button and this thing wets, wipes and does everything but pull up your pants! The company promises the innovative toilet seat will keep it's users and their behinds "clean and happy." I'll bet! While over 17 million have been sold worldwide, the U.S. remains an unwiped market."

This is the ultimate in personal comfort. I can only imagine the pleasure one will get when they are sitting on this thing trying to read the instruction manual for the remote control. This thing has everything but a cell phone and YouTube video player. Check out some of the features of this thing:

Auto Flush activated by sensors or the simple touch of a button
Automatic Open / Close Lid Activated by Sensors, or the Simple Touch of a Button
on the Remote Control
Gentle Aerated Warm Water
Front and Rear Washing
Massage Feature with Cycling Motion
Warm Air Drying with Variable Three-Temperature Setting
Automatic Air Deodorizer
Soft Cleanse
Rear Cleanse
Auto Flush
Front Cleanse
Oscillating (Massage) Cleanse
Water Heating
Pulsating Cleanse
Water Temperature Control
Water Pressure Control
Water Position Adjustment
Warm Air Dryer
Air Purifier
Heated Seat Temperature Control
Heated Seat
Soft Close Seat and Lid
Seat Sensor
Self-Cleaning Water Wand
Convenient Wireless Remote Control with Large LCD Panel
Docking Station for Easy Cleaning & Installation
Clean look featuring hidden cord design
Reinforced base plate for enhanced durability

Now this is cool for those cold (or warm) days. A convenient remote control allows you to adjust seat and water temperature and pressure. With a soothing cycling action, the massage feature alternates between front and rear washing for maximum comfort and cleansing. The Washlet S400 allows you to immerse yourself in total relaxation and bathroom pleasure. It's available in three stylish colors: Cotton, Colonial White and Sedona Beige with a Polished Chrome Trip Lever.

In doing my research for this story, I thought..."What would be the ultimate accessory?" Well, another company has made that! The iCarta iPod Dock and Toilet paper dispenser has to be the most notorious of iPod accessories over the years. Its $99 price tag may be a bit much for just something you use a couple of times a day but if you're like me and always wanted to listen to music while taking that dump and reading the paper, then it's a useful gadget. When you're not actively listening to music, it also keeps your iPod charged. Now this is really cool! Any readers have any recommended songs for toilet time?

I figured with as much time as I spend in the bathroom per day, this might not be bad. You see, I spend 66.917 hours in the toilet per year and have probably spent 2810.5 hours in the toilet in my life time. If you're wondering how I got that figure, check out this handy little online calculator from Constantly Constipated. You see, I'm fascinated by technology. When you combine technology with something as pleasurable as taking a dump, well, life couldn't get any better. I'll bet Parish Hilton's got one of these! On second thought, probably not. She's probably got someone to do that for her!

Later folks...I'm off to enjoy myself on the throne!