In a story in which the names, words and description are totally true, a New York man has filed suit against the makers of the nutritional drink Boost Plus (I wonder what the 'Plus' is for?), charging that the protein shake gave him the wrong kind of "lift". Christopher Woods (yes that's his name...it just gets better) said that drinking cans of Boost Plus Nutritional Energy Drink left him with an erection that wouldn't go away. According to papers filed in Manhattan Supreme Court, Woods was "caused to suffer and sustain severe bodily injuries" from "the erection that would not subside."
The suit says he used the "product in accordance with its intended use" - and soon had a very visible side effect. "It gave me a lot of energy - too much energy," Woods, 29, told The New York Post. "It was unbearable and embarrassing. "It's affecting my life because I'm not getting the pleasure I used to. It was supposed to be a health supplement." He said he had to undergo two medical procedures for relief from the days-long erection, and as a result, he's now partially impotent. "It's affecting my life because I'm not getting the pleasure I used to," Woods said. He said the erection lasted for over three days, and his girlfriend "was in disbelief. She couldn't understand what was happening. It was awful. It was painful. I would always wear jeans, but it was hard to go out, so I had to buy some sweatpants," Woods said.
The suit, which seeks unspecified monetary damages for Woods' "pain, shock and mental anguish," names the drink's former manufacturer, Mead Johnson, and its current one, Novartis. Why is the maker of an erection drug creating an energy drink? Hmmmm. Mead Johnson said it no longer has anything to do with the drink. The Woods vs. Johnson case dates back to June 2004, which is when he said his mother bought him a case of the protein drink in hopes he would bulk up. Novartis' Boost Plus Web site describes the drink as "a great tasting, high calorie, nutritionally complete oral supplement for people who require extra energy and protein in a limited volume," in vanilla, chocolate and strawberry. The erection isn't really a side effect, it's a benefit! I wonder if they'll put this warning on their bottles?
The condition, called severe priapism. caused Woods to see a doctor and undergo a "winter shunt" - a painful procedure where a needle (yes, a needle...I'm cringing now!) is used to drain blood. The suit says he experienced "persistent problems requiring a follow-up hospital visit" a week later. Woods said he was given two choices - undergo either an embolization, where blood is blocked from going to the arteries, or an amputation. (Say what?) He chose the former, but it has made it difficult for him to get a full erection and left him in "a state of discomfort." Woods said the experience has affected his love life because it's made him very self-conscious.In a final statement on his embarassment, Woods said his 7-year-old son asked him what was going on and "I didn't know what to tell him."
How about telling him how your the most "popular" man in the hood!
