Wednesday, February 21, 2007

Warning: This Article Not To Be Read While Drinking Coffee, But Smoking is OK

The tendency of Americans to sue companies has gone too far, encouraging absurd warning labels on products. A washing machine complete with a warning not to put anybody inside has been given an award for the "wackiest warning" by a US lobby group.

Some people say warning labels can play a role in protecting the public. An engine manufacturer which warned "Never use a lit match or open flame to check fuel level" won second prize. Warnings not to dry wet mobile phones in microwave ovens and not to iron lottery tickets tied for third place. Honorable mentions went to a phonebook which advised: "Please do not use this directory while operating a moving vehicle".

Check out this label on a TiVo remote control! It say's that "TiVo remotes may become confused with chew toys. Warranty does not cover damage from chewing or slobber." Okay, this one might not be real but hey, it was part of my research. (Ain't the internet a grand source for information!)

What the hell have we come to? Mindless litigation is causing our courts to have such a backlog of cases that the people who have ligitimate claims never get to go to trial. In some cases, these trials only got a few minutes over tens of days due to motions, evidence gathering, failure of witnesses to show up, etc.

Warning labels...well they've just gotten out of hand! I did a little research into some labels that were inspired by this "mindless litigation" and was surprised (as you will be too) to the amount of companies that have to warn people about stuff that should be common sense! I mean what's next? A toilet that warns you that if you leave it up (this warning is especially for men - women will not have this problem) and it falls that you may somehow get injured? (See Photo)

My exhaustive and extensive research also came up with a few other labels which have had to have been inspired by stupid people...I mean really stupid people! Check some of them out...

Warning on fireplace log:
Caution -- Risk of Fire.

A warning on a pair of shin guards manufactured for bicyclists:
Shin pads cannot protect any part of the body they do not cover.

On a string of Chinese made Christmas lights:
For indoor or outdoor use only.

On an American Airlines packet of nuts:
Instructions - open packet, eat nuts.

On Nytol Nighttime Sleep-Aid:
Warning: May cause drowsiness.

Can of self-defense pepper spray warns:
May irritate eyes.

Warning on a Conair Pro Style 1600 hair dryer:
Do not use in shower. Never use while sleeping.

Silly Putty package warning:
Not for use as earplugs.

On a bag of Fritos:
You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.

Baby stroller warning:
Remove child before folding.

Household iron warns:
Never iron clothes while they are being worn.

Cardboard car sun shield that keeps sun off the dashboards warns
Do not drive with sun shield in place

Toilet bowl cleaning brush warns:
Do not use orally.

Instructions for an electric thermometer:

Do not use orally after using rectally.

These labels, along with the minsless litigation that inspired them is driving me crazy. They can't eaven enbalm or bury Anna Nicole Smith or James Brown due to the fact that people are doing all this legal rangling bullsh-- to figure out where they should be buried. Like they's all about the money!

This crap had got to STOP! How can a company be liable for an airplane that was built 30 years ago and the wind fell off due to metal fatigue. That's what happened with Cessna and that's why they stopped making small aircraft. The laws have changed some and Cessna is back in business. At what point does "common sense" kick in?

My bottom line is this: STOP thinking about how you can sue for things that you should of had the common sense to know anyway. A part of living is using your ability to reason. And by the way, please don't sue me for the fact that this article made your mouse scrolling finger cramp. You CHOSE to read this...I didn't make you!