Sunday, February 25, 2007

The Ultimate Reality Show

Are you sick of the staged red carpet interviews and photo opportunities. Everyone is so darn rehearsed and contrived. "What are you wearing this evening?" "Oh just Versace, but it's beautiful though isn't it?" I mean, what else has Joan River’s really done in the last 25 years…oh yeah, that’s right, she gave her daughter a vehicle to create her own “celebrity status.” What a world we live in.

Someone should make a new reality TV show...yes ANOTHER one. Hell, Survivor has done well, hasn’t it? This one would be fun though. Call it "Gotta Get Ready For My Oscar Appearance".

We could follow some celebs around the week before while they are getting their laser resurfacing, botox, breast implants, butt lifts, tattooed eyebrows and while lips are being filled with collagen, speaking becomes the REAL challenge. Let us see some of those size 12 ladies vomiting up as much as they can and putting themselves under a military fitness regime so they can fit in that size 5 dress.

One thing that always blows my mind about the Oscars and all these other awards shows is the fact that they felt obligated to give away gift bags to the stars who showed up - often worth hundreds of thousands of dollars. This bugged me for two main reasons:

The obvious fact that these are actors and actresses usually make more money than God, and that these “tokens of our appreciation” are worth three or four times as much as the average salary of an American. Think about how many schools Oprah could open in Africa?

I'd love to see each and every winner, right after they got off the stage and completed the tour of the Press Rooms, pop a button or two on that $50,000 dress or rented $75 tuxedo and actually look comfortable. Then show us what they really do at these after-parties. Eat appetizers from Costco and drink so much Jose Cuervo that they end up saying, "Stick this trophy where the sun don’t shine" to the nominees who didn’t win and then precede to get fall down drunk and make sure they tell everybody around that they won an Oscar. Then let’s see them get in the limo and take a nice drive out to Betty Ford to dry out!

Now here’s a group that’s got it down. Nickelodeon's Kids' Choice Awards is one of the funniest awards shows I’ve ever worked on. They have a burping contest and unsuspecting celebs getting drenched in green slime. Now this would be a great addition to the Oscar’s this year. Let’s have a little fun at these overpaid celebrities expense.

That's what it's all about. Maybe they should call it Survivor: Hollywood, the last celebrity to survive the week wins the Oscar. Do we really care? No.

Enjoy the show!