Valet parking in Southern California is routine. But a new kind of service is catering to people who need to park their bikes. Cyclists say they're just glad to have convenient places to stash their bikes. Pity the cyclist with the $4,000 titanium road bike attempting to park at the Sunday farmers market in Santa Monica. Oh how I feel their pain.Now, cyclists in search of heirloom tomatoes and organic cilantro can enjoy valet parking of the sort offered to BMW-driving diners at Ivy at the Shore or Chinois on Main, handing over their wheels to polite attendants who park them at a nearby bicycle stand. In California bicycle circles, this kind of service is the coming thing. Long Beach residents can check their bikes at the downtown Bikestation, where they can get free air for their tires and on-site repair service. A Santa Barbara self-service bike center opening May 1 will feature hot showers and a locker room for changing from sweaty nylon-spandex jerseys to suits, ties and heels. Valet bike parking would seem a quintessentially Californian response to the vanity and laziness of those who think their crap doesn't stink! Although for those lazy butt people, I guess, for some cyclists, that fact that knowing that someone is watching over their bike is a relief. Sure, like valet's watch over our cars...ding!
But it's not only LA. It's all over the vain state of California. A Santa Barbara self-service bike center opening May 1 will feature hot showers and a locker room for changing from sweaty nylon-spandex jerseys to suits, ties and heels. The concept has spread to the usual progressive hot spots: Berkeley, Palo Alto, San Francisco and Seattle. They were built largely with public funds, and revenue covers most operating expenses. The new Santa Barbara center, for example, is funded by downtown car parking fees. In Santa Monica, the city funds the valet service.
As often happens with good intentions, success has come with a cost. The Santa Monica project has cut severely into the income of a white-bearded man known only as Johnnie who started watching over bikes and dogs two years ago at the market's Main Street entrance. "I'm the one who started this business. They come here and just put up their thing," said Johnnie, who said he once had as many as 40 cyclists as customers. On Sunday, he was guarding two bikes and four dogs and said he was falling behind on his rent. "But I'm not worried. God will bless me," he said.My heart goes out to poor Johnnie. His only source of income is being destroyed by big corporate valet companies who make so much freakin' money parking cars that hey, wiping out another old white-bearded low-income guy is just the cost of doing business.
There are two shining facts in this story. Number one, you probably aren't going to get your bike dinged at the Bicycle Valet. And two, with as lazy and criminal minded as some of these valet's are, you know for damn sure that they ain't going to be taking any bike out for a joy ride!
