Breaking News: Britney Spears. Britney. Britney. Britney. Britney. Britney. Britney. When's It Going To Stop?

This morning I got up, grabbed a cup of coffee, lit a cigarette, fired up the computer and turned on the TV. I didn't expect to see what I saw but it's become so friggin' common nowadays that it didn't surprise me. On the net, and all over the TV it was "Breaking News." Oh really? Come on now. Yes folks, again, Britney Spears, the girl who gets more news coverage and magazine covers than the Presidential election, was taken to UCLA Medical Center for a "mental health evaluation hold," allegedly under orders from her private psychiatrist. Initially the reason for the substantial police activity and ambulance visit at her home Wednesday evening was alleged to have been a suicide attempt. Is this really news? Do we need to know eveything?

Sadly, X17online.com initially reported that pop star Britney Spears attempted suicide Wednesday evening around 10 p.m. in her home. TMZ.com later reported that the ambulance that came to take Spears to UCLA Medical Center was planned days in advance by her psychiatrist. Spears is under the care of a psychiatrist who is treating her bi-polar disorder, TMZ reported. "The shrink was alarmed at her reckless driving and her conduct and has decided Brit needs to be hospitalized on another 5150 hold, meaning she is a danger to herself and others," the site said. TMZ.com also reported that Spears' mother Lynne Spears is against committing the pop star, while friend Sam Lufti supports the doctor; but that the two drove to the hospital together after the ambulance left Spears' home.

And also in the news yesterday, which is just another push towards the edge of the cliff, a fashion consultant who bought clothes and had them delivered to Britney Spears has sued the wayward pop star for failing to pay her. A lawyer for Las Vegas resident Nancy Rosu filed suit in Clark County District Court for damages in excess of $50,000 on Jan. 18. Rosu's lawyer, Natricia Tricano, says "there are no hard feelings" between the two and if Spears' settles her tab, the matter will be dropped. How decent of this idiot...but let's go public first.

This has gotten out of control. News reports even state that the FAA, was involved, clearing airspace for the trip to her personal psychiatrist's hospital, UCLA Medical Center. She is a beautiful girl. Just look at this picture here. She was - and still is - a pop idol to many young teenagers. But here life is being covered so much, both professionally and personally, that she doesn't have a clue and probably can't see the line between the two. And that's sad.

When is it going to stop? What's it going to take before the media leaves her alone? I feel sad for her. Her life is under the microscope 24/7. It would be sad, with all these crys for help, if she ended up committing suicide or dying like so many other preventable young celebs. It's time to wake up people. Leave her alone. She's a human being, not a media icon. She needs help. She's crying out for it. Can't anyone hear it?

The East Way To Get Rich Quick By Using Your Lack Of Common Sense And Decency!

In today's world, if something happens to you or a loved one, don’t grieve simply use it as a way to get rich. Part of life is living on the edge and assuming the risk. It’s all about money... everyone is looking for a way to get millions, regardless of circumstances…encouraged by poor lawyers who get 30%. We have so many lawyers now, suing is the only way to make any money. People are encouraged to sue, so it has now become a routine. And the sat part about these frivolous lawsuits is that most big companies probably settle them and give the plaintiff somewhere between $10K to $100K to make it go away. So, let's read about some good ones...

In Houston, Texas, a lawsuit against a state lawmaker claims he forcibly kissed a woman at a holiday party and demands he be tested for sexually transmitted diseases. Krysynthia Rido sued state district court, saying they fear AIDS and other diseases because Rido was exposed to Democratic state Rep. Borris Miles' "unwanted bodily fluids." She wants the court to order Miles to undergo blood tests for sexually transmitted diseases. The suit also accuses Miles of assault and battery and asks for compensatory and punitive damages. The complaint states that Miles entered a hotel ballroom without an invitation, confronted guests, displayed a pistol and forcibly kissed another man's wife and contends that Miles acted in a "depraved, unconscionable and reckless manner, leaving in his wake shame, embarrassment and mental trauma."

Wiggle when you jiggle. A Manhattan judge has thrown out $1 million suit against New York University by a former student who claimed he broke his hip at a Jell-O wrestling dorm party. Avram Wisnia was a junior at NYU in 2004 when he and his dorm mates organized a party called "Beach Bash." While horsing around a kiddie pool filled with gelatin, Wisnia was pushed and shattered his hip. Wisnia's 2005 lawsuit blamed NYU for allowing the event and for having the school's food service provide the gelatin. But Manhattan Justice Carol Robinson Edmead ruled that Wisnia knew what he was doing. This case broke the mold but in the end justice was served sweetly.

And now the people react. In Denver, people upset over a man who sued a 7-year-old boy over a ski collision have subjected him and his wife to "an electronic tar and feathering," their lawyer said. David Pfahler and Marlene Ambrogio left their Allentown, Pa., home for the holidays because angry people tied up their phone lines with repeated, automated calls since news reports of the lawsuit. "People are really angry about this, and they should be," Susan Swimm said. The childs father, Robb Swimm, said that he saw the crash and that Scott was skiing slowly and in control. "Scott just kind of tapped his ski boots," he said. The suit claims Pfahler suffered a torn shoulder tendon and seeks compensation for physical therapy, vacation time, nursing and medical services provided by Pfahler's wife, and other expenses. It estimates the couple's losses at more than $75,000. Vacation time? Who in the world sues a child? It just boggles my mind.

And now, here's a couple of quick ones I think you'll all love...

Kathleen Robertson of Austin, Texas, was awarded $780,000 by a jury after breaking her ankle tripping over a toddler who was running inside a furniture store. The owners of the store were understandably surprised at the verdict, considering the misbehaving little toddler was Ms. Robertson's son.

Carl Truman of Los Angeles won $74,000 and medical expenses when his neighbor ran over his hand with a Honda Accord. Mr. Truman apparently didn't notice there was someone at the wheel of the car when he was trying to steal his neighbor's hubcaps.

Terrence Dickson of Bristol, Pennsylvania, was leaving a house he had just finished robbing by way of the garage. He was not able to get the garage door to go up since the automatic door opener was malfunctioning. He couldn't re-enter the house because the door connecting the house and garage locked when he pulled it shut. The family was on vacation, and Mr. Dickson found himself locked in the garage for eight days. He subsisted on a case of Pepsi he found, and a large bag of dry dog food. He sued the homeowner's insurance claiming the situation had caused him undue mental anguish. The jury agreed to the tune of $500,000.

Kara Walton of Claymont, Delaware, successfully sued the owner of a night club in a neighboring city when she fell from the bathroom window to the floor and knocked out her two front teeth. This occurred while Ms. Walton was trying to sneak through the window in the ladies room to avoid paying the $3.50 cover charge. She was awarded $12,000 and dental expenses.

Isn't life grand? Money for nothin'! Here's an interesting fact. Did you realize that lawyers were once “illegal” in Virginia. People were so disgusted with them, they banned lawyers. We ought to look at that statute again. Maybe, with enough stupid lawsuits, we’ll be force to wrap the whole world in rubber and put a warning label on everything. Or maybe we could make stupid people assume the full risk for the stupid things they do. Yeah, right!

State Of The Nation: No Better Than Last Year And We've Only Got 353 Days To Go!

Last night was one of the most boring nights on television. I would have rather watched Oprah! or Dr. Phil. But last night, President Bush, gave his last State of the Union Address. It was in many ways his legacy speech although not the kind of legacy I really want to remember. His speech lasted a long 53 minutes, interrupted frequently by applause, most often by Republican lawmakers who needed to get up off their butts anyway and stretch their legs. A major challenge for Mr. Bush in his address was simply being heard when many Americans already are looking beyond him to the next president. Hillary Clinton said, "Tonight is a red-letter night in American history. It is the last time George Bush will give the State of the Union. Next year it will be a Democratic president giving it." The bottom line on this speech: Government isn't the answer.

But hey, fans of the State of the Nation drinking game got to do shots as the President prodded Congress to extend a law allowing surveillance on suspected terrorists, renew his education law and approve free-trade pacts with Colombia, Panama and South Korea, gave recycled ideas on alternative energy, affordable health care, housing reform and veterans' care. One of the best lines was when he told his delighted audience, "...I am pleased to report that the IRS accepts both checks and money orders." Mr. Bush also renewed his ideas on climate change and everyone got an extra shot when he mentioned stem cell research. Bottom's up!

And I never saw a more bored audience in my life. Just look at these photos. And with the campaigns in full swing, we saw that Sen. Barack Obama came into the chamber first, followed closely by his new barpal, Sen. Edward Kennedy. Sen. Hillary Clinton entered the chamber a few minutes later, equally mobbed by wanna-be folk singers. She reached out and shook Kennedy's hand. Obama, nearby, turned away. How's that for getting miffed!

And what about this other useless waster of television time? Delivering the official Democratic response, Kansas Gov. Kathleen Sebelius urged Mr. Bush to work with Congress and help the U.S. regain global standing lost because of the war. She gave a speech that was so boring and mundane that I wanted to go out and buy ton's of incandescent light bulbs just so I don't have to "go green" when they are banned in 2012. And I was surprised that she didn't give a shout out to her son's board game which I blogged about yesterday. That would have been more fun than this speech.

And just so you get one laugh today, he's a good news story that almost sounds like one of Teddy Kennedy's. A man in Michigan was charged with drunken driving after going through two bottles of wine, cutting through a snowstorm on his lawn mower and riding down the center of the street to reach a liquor store, authorities said. Police found Frank Kozumplik homeward bound on a John Deere tractor toting four bottles of wine in a paper bag. His blood alcohol level was 2 1/2 times Michigan's legal driving limit. They arrested him and confiscated the mower. Now that's funny!

Mr. Bush made only one mention of Osama bin Laden because I think he's still trying to figure out where his weapons of mass destruction were hidden (pun intended). Mr. Bush will turn from yesterday's speech and plunge into politics, which he's not that good at anyway while raising money for Republicans at events in California, Nevada, Colorado and Missouri. That's OK with me if he's out of the office for a while. He's only got 353 days left. Yippee!!!!

New Board Game Shows You How To Be The Prison Bitch!

Ever been to prison? Well, now's there's a board game that will make you think tqice about going there. This game is intended for mature audiences — not children — and is simply intended for entertainment. The son of Kansas Gov. Kathleen Sebelius is peddling a board game titled "Don't Drop the Soap," a prison-themed game he created as part of a class project at the Rhode Island School of Design. The game also goes on sale starting Jan. 31, and it's website describes "Don't Drop the Soap" as a game "Where no one playing enters through the front door!" How sweet.

John Sebelius, 23, has the backing of his mother and father, U.S. Magistrate Judge Gary Sebelius. Sebelius spokeswoman Nicole Corcoran said both parents "are very proud of their son John's creativity and talent." Sebelius is selling the game on his Internet site for $34.99, plus packaging, shipping and handling. The contact information on the Web site lists the address of the governor's mansion. Corcoran said the address will change when John Sebelius moves. Purchaser's of the first 3,000 games include a certificate of authenticity for limited edition print.

"Fight your way through 6 different exciting locations in hopes of being granted parole," the site says. "Escape prison riots in The Yard, slip glass into a mob boss' lasagna in the Cafeteria, steal painkillers from the nurse's desk in the Infirmary, avoid being cornered by the Aryans in the Shower Room, fight off Latin Kings in Gang War, and try not to smoke your entire stash in The Hole." Sebelius' mom Kathleen actually went undercover into one of the jails to see how prisoners were treated,” John says. “She actually was strip-searched and everything. She was in there for a few days.” He actually invented the game three years ago as a class project at the Rhode Island School of Design.

The game includes five tokens representing a bag of cocaine, a handgun and three characters: wheelchair-using 'Wheelz," muscle-flexing "Anferny" and business suit-clad "Sal 'the Butcher.'" Sebelius sought legal advice to be sure he followed proper requirements, and he even took out a loan on his own to pay for the production of his work. Sebelius' game is not the first to poke politically incorrect fun at incarceration. The Web site BoardgameGeek.com features a game called "Prison Bitch: The Card Game," while several video game publishers have gone behind bars for such titles as "The Suffering" and "Prison Tycoon."

This is a game that might make you sort of "scared straight!" Sorry, bad choice of words. It's definitely an experience that only someone on the outside could appreciate and probably could become a kind of a family tradition to play the game at Christmas time. See, now my tatoo makes sense! Have fun and watch your back!

Tech Watch: Mindless Crap For People Like Me!

It's time for Discover Insanity's Tech Watch. With all the proliferation of crap on the internet, we think that it's important to tell you about some of it. And with the politcal playing field like it is, the candidates are using "high tech" to the max. And who's bigger than Microsoft? Well, they just launched a new political search engine called LeftvsRight.com. Two hosts help guide you through the site, one on the Left, one on the Right - quite literally. Type in a search term and you'll get a witty remark from each host. (and I don't think WGA writer's are working on this!)Leave them alone and who knows what they'll say or do. It's fun to see what the two hosts will say, but the search results aren't exactly groundbreaking and I can think of better things to say about Hillary! Check it out at leftvsright.com.

Again, thanks to the net, there is a ton of political information out there. The problem is, it can be tough to navigate. That's where PoliticalBase.com comes in. On this bizarre website, they've compiled information from various sources and made it easily searchable and cross-referenced. The result? You can see how much money your neighbors are contributing to a politician. You can see how much money a company is donating to a politician. The only data they are not tracking is how many pee's, poops and farts the candidates are lettng fly. There are even dozens of polls, updated daily. Check it out - PoliticalBase.com

You know what? Someone out there loves you. and he's a 14-year old geek behind a computer writing viruses, worms and malicious code. And these hackers are trying to ruin this Hallmark holiday with evil emails that will infect your computer. The first one of these worms, Nuwar.OL, reaches computers by email with subjects like “I Love You Soo Much”, “Inside My Heart” or ” You… In My Dreams”. The text of the email includes a link to a website that downloads the malicious code. The page is very simple and looks like a romantic greeting card, with a large pink heart. Once it has infected a computer, the worm sends out a large amount of emails to the infected user’s contacts, in order to spread. This also creates a heavy load on networks and slows down the computer.

As a courtesy to our readers, whom we hope know this already, here are a very basic series of tips to avoid falling victim to one of these malicious codes:

• Do not open any emails that come from unknown sources.
  
  
• Do not click any links included in email messages, even though they may come from reliable sources. It is better to type them in the address bar.
  
  
• Do not run attached files that come from unknown sources. Especially these days, stay on the alert for files that claim to be Valentine’s greeting cards, romantic videos, etc.
  
  
• Have an effective security solution installed, capable of detecting both known and new malware strains. There are several free tools for scanning computers for malware.

It's a virtual world out there. You don't even need to leave your laptop to get a lapdance anymore. And now a company called EveryScape is taking maps a step further by letting your virtually tour major cities. So far they've re-created Boston, Miami, New York, Bejing and Aspen. Laguna Beach (The O.C.) is their newest. It's like taking a vacation without leaving your computer! The neat thing here is that you can also "step inside" certain stores or attractions. It's kind of boring to me and I can't wait until they take me on the next exciting virtual tour...like this one of the bowery. Now that's entertainment!

Holy crap, just how hip is LA? And this is insane. Starting on Monday, people who have medical conditions such as glaucoma, cancer, and the deadly not-stoned-enough virus can start getting their fat buds from special "AVMs." These electronic drug dealers won't be out on the street next to a Pepsi machine, of course. No, they'll be "housed in standalone rooms, abutting two dispensaries and protected by round-the-clock security guards." To use them, you'll need to go with a prescription in hand, get fingerprinted and get a prepaid credit card that's loaded up with your dosage and what strain of weed you want. Yeah, no joke, the pharmacists give you a choice between OG Kush and Granddaddy Purple. In the future, the machines may also be outfitted to sell other popular drugs such as Viagra, Vicodin and Propecia. Combine all four for a really interesting night that'll also slowly grow your hair back or hair on your palms!

Now here's a depressing tech item. Understandably, the near sighted, big breasted, and fat gutted amongst us can have some trouble seeing the readout on a conventional scale. Thankfully, the Eye Level Wireless Scale can help with a handheld or wall mountable remote infrared LCD that displays the weight calculated on the four sensor scale. Never think of those big gozangas as a curse again! Check out this embarassing product by clicking here!

Well folks, that's it for our segment of Tcch Watch. Hopefully you can have a little fun with some of the virtual internet doeses we've given you. So go to that vending machine, grab some weed, drink some beers and check out the the political scene...and you can be butt naked and do it all without leaving your couch. How's that for mindless entertainment?

Court Snippet: A Wee Little Flap Of Skin Goes To Trial In The Oregon Supreme Court

Warning: Before you read this, get ready to wince! The Oregon Supreme Court heard oral arguments (hey, I don't write this stuff) Tuesday on whether a divorced father can have his 12-year-old son circumcised. The court, after a lingering on the topic, ruled Friday that the wishes of the 12-year-old boy should be considered in a dispute between his divorced parents. Now this is something that our over burdened court system really needs to be putting a lot of time and effort into, don't you think? What about the serious crimes like robbery? Rape? Murder? Heck no...foreskin!

The father, James Boldt, converted to Judaism in 2004 and wants the boy to be circumcised as part of the faith. The mother, Lia Boldt, appealed to the high court, saying the operation could harm her son physically and psychologically. The custody dispute began when the child was 4 and the circumcision issue began three years ago when he was 9. The custody dispute began when the child was 4 and the circumcision issue began three years ago when he was 9.

The attorney for both sides declined to comment. The case has drawn attention from Jewish groups concerned that the Oregon court might restrict the practice. A group called Doctors Opposing Circumcision backs the mother. The courts have steered clear of religious or medical issues, focusing on the questions of custody and care of the child. "I think what may be delicate and tricky is ... how much we can trust what the 12-year-old says, given the circumstances,'' said Carl Tobias of the University of Richmond. ``He likely feels some pressure from (his parents).''

More than a million U.S. infants are circumcised each year, but circumcising adults or teens remains relatively rare. A urologist who met with the boy submitted an affidavit that said the procedure would cause him minor discomfort for about three days but not interfere with his normal activities, the Supreme Court's decision said. I'm sure the kids reaction is going to be a little bit like this kid in the picture...and I think I'd want to be the first one to consult if they are going to chop a chunk off.

So why did this case ever come to trial. After a little bit of research, the truth comes out. Even the lawyers are overusing the court system. It seems that James Boldt, who is a lawyer, is representing himself in this case. Now it makes sense, don't you think? It interesting that the court wants the opinion of the kid in this case...but on the other hand, (or should I say "in the hand") as long as you don't beat your children with an electric cord in Oregon, they're pretty much your property as far as the law is concerned.

One Of Life's Lessons: Telling A Kid To Grow Up May Bite You In The Ass - Big Time!

Technology will bite you in the ass. And now, even though it bit this lady big time, I agress with her sentiment. A phone call to a public school administrator's home last week about a snow day —- or lack of one —- has taken on a life of its own. Through the ubiquity of Facebook and YouTube, the call has become a rallying cry for students' First Amendment rights, and it shows the generation gap in technology. The phone call has gone viral all over the internet and now the kid who posted it is a little regretful about that. It seems the media has gone viral with their "need to know."

It started with a snowfall near Lake Braddock Secondary School in Burke, Va. On his lunch break, Lake Braddock senior Devraj "Dave" Kori, 17, used a listed home phone number to call Dean Tistadt, chief operating officer for the Fairfax County system, to ask why he had not closed the schools. Kori left his name and number and got a message later in the day from Tistadt's wife. "How dare you call us at home! If you have a problem with going to school, you do not call somebody's house and complain about it," Candy Tistadt's message began. At one point, she uttered the phrase "snotty-nosed little brats," and near the end, she said, "Get over it, kid, and go to school!" You have got to listen to this...

Dean Tistadt, the Chief Operating Officer for Facilities and Transportation of Fairfax County, has found it his responsibility to make the decisions about whether or not schools should remain open. Recently, due to the abnormal winter weather, the Tistadt household has found itself bombarded with dozens of phone calls from county students; some even in the middle of the night. In addition, students are also sending profane and sometimes even threatening emails to the administration. Fairfax County schools spokesman Paul Regnier said: "It's really an issue of kids learning what is acceptable and not acceptable. Any call to a public servant's house is harassment." Candy Tistadt did not return phone messages. Dean Tistadt credited Kori for having the "courage of his convictions to stand up and be identified" - and for causing considerable embarrassment for his wife.

Okay, so the lady went a little over the top. But the point that she was trying to make, maybe not in the most politically correct way, was great! It's about time that someone told these kids to grow up and get their buts back in school...learning their A-B-C's not texting RU@skool. We are raising a generation of mindless kids who can't talk a single sentence and that's a sad friggin' fact. And there's one more fact that's true to this story...it's the fact that they both had learned a hard lesson about the long reach of the Internet.

The Coffee Addiction: Starbucks And The $20,000 Cup Of Coffee!

Are we in a recession? Now here's a trick. Get everyone thinking your company is being damaged by a recession, especially your new lower-income, striking writers customer group? If you've got all that and a falling stock, you must be Starbucks. Now I love Starbucks. Heck, I got over $300 in gift cards this Christmas! And now look at this new marketing idea being tested in Seattle...the dollar cup of coffee. Long an item found only on the "secret menu" (but for more than a buck), a short (or shall we say sipper eight ounce) it comes with free refills on all sizes of brewed coffee. Is it a smart move?

In a world where even the old-timers have stopped complaining about overpriced cups of coffee, showing up with a very low-priced entry level for a regular-sized dose of caffeine makes sense. Why not see McDonald's dollar menu, and raise Starbucks' own version? It's certain that the company won't lose money on the product; costs for traditional brewed coffee are the lowest of the bunch, and baristas often throw away large quantities of coffee because it's was brewed 6 hours ago. Is my favorite coffee company thinking outside-of-the-cup. With increasing competition Dunkin' Donuts, McDonald's and 7-11, it seems that Starbucks has no choice.

Now here's a little secret. Starbucks doesn't want you to know this but they will serve you a better, stronger cappuccino if you want one, and they will charge you less for it. Ask for it in any Starbucks and the barista will comply without batting an eye. The puzzle is to work out why. The drink in question is the elusive "short cappuccino", at 8 ounces, a third smaller than the smallest size on the official menu, the "tall." The short cappuccino has the same amount of espresso as the 12-ounce tall, meaning a bolder coffee taste, and also a better one. But why does this cheaper, better drink—along with its sisters, the short latte and the short coffee—languish unadvertised? The official line from Starbucks is that there is no room on the menu board. If you'd like a better coffee for less, just ask.

And speaking of coffee, you could just make a super expensive cup at home but you wouldn't get the flavor of the smelly homeless guy waiting in line and then stealing 6 cups to fill with non-fat milk and stealing about 25 Equal packets. By chance, or a tweak in the universe, the same day Starbucks testing a $1 cup of coffee, there was a debut of a $20,000 halogen-powered coffee maker –- described as looking like a “19th-century vision of the future.” With its brass-trimmed halogen heating elements, glass globes and bamboo paddles, this new contraption that is to begin making coffee this week looks like a machine from a Jules Verne novel, a 19th-century vision of the future. Called a siphon bar, it was imported from Japan at a total cost of more than $20,000. The cafe has the only halogen-powered model in the United States and professionals have long been willing to pay prices in the five figures for the perfect espresso machine, but the siphon bar does not make espresso. It makes brewed coffee! With recent advances in coffee-making technology, “now you can get perfect extraction.” Yeah, right. From your wallet I suppose! It's coffee people, not a BMW!

The bottom line is this. You can still score a free cup of dark roast from Dunkin Donuts stores on Mondays. The significance of all this latte-faire is that Starbucks is drawing competition from cheap McDonald and Dunkin’ coffees and that $20,000 Japanese (of course) coffee machine supposedly represents a resurgence in interest in brewed coffee among coffee mavens. Question? If, in Starbucks speak, a small is a “Tall,” and the new $1 cup is indeed shorter than the mysterious Starbucks “Short” cup, what is an even smaller cup called? I think they should call it the "weenie." That way we could have a good laugh about it. "Hey...can I get a little foam on my weenie?"